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|  THE MORBID OBSERVERIssue two Where we take like and make it worth while!
TOP STORY
Another Man On Screen, by editor
I have heard through the grape-vine that Rock 'n' Roll legand Keith Richards is going to play Captain Jack Sparrow's father in the
next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Johnny Depp who plays the infamous Jack Sparrow said that pirates were like rock stars of their time. And he thought of the greatest rock star that he knew of, and exampled his characture after Keith Richards. The movie, I think, is still in the making, or has already been made, yet still to be released. There will also be a third movie. So all you Sparrow, and Rock 'n' Roll fans, you have something to look forward to!
Other Stories
APPLE-GATE!, by editor
There is a strange occurance going on of late. Applesauce has gone missing from three out of fifty states. What will kids eat? What will babies throw up? What will old farts slurp? The world may never know. Some say its aliens, others say its a government coverup. But will we ever know what is causing the applesauce to vanish? Even as you read, and we write, applesauce can be vanishing from your cubboards, or from the local conveinance store.
Panic In Detroit, by editor
What happens when you mix Detroit, English-men, and alas! Music? You get: Panic in Detroit. There are riots in the streets. Looting in the stores, and water spurting forth from the fire hydrants. The cats are going crazy, the babies are crying. And killer weiner dogs are running wild. It is a sad tale indeed, that will only end in destruction of a once fine city.
Agony Aunt
Write to A.A. with all of your problems and questions. Write to The_Morbid_Observer@yahoo.com today!
Dear A.A.,
My friend is so much more ugly, and dumb than I. She wears the worst clothes, her glasses belong in the trash can of the eighties, and she is such a frump that I worry about her so. I feel bad when hanging around with her, because I outshine her...What should I do?
♥ Worried in Kansas City
Dear Worried.
Kill her.
A.A.
Dear A.A.,
My parents are threatening to send me to a consintration camp, if I dont clean my room. Its not like its a dump, but if I even have one speck of dust, my dad will scout it out. I dont know what to do. What if hile cleaning out from under my bed, my parents see all of my nudy magazines? Or my stash hidden in the closet? What am I to do?
♥ Dum Dum Diday in New Port Beach
Dear Dumb Dumb,
First of all, your plain out stupid. Now that we got that settled, just remove those disgusting items from your room while your parents are asleep. Hide it in a shoebox in your siblings room, that way, if its found, they get blamed instead of you.
A.A.
POEM OF THE WEEK
Little birdie in the sky,
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
Tastes like honey,
Feels like sap,
HOLY SHIT
Its birdie crap!
This poem is brought you you by the Poem Instigater.
WORD OF THE WEEK
Sinister
ART OF THE WEEK
Art brought to you by Carlos M.
Horoscopes!
Gemini: Beware killer radishes. Later one this week you will get an unexpected surprise in your shoe. Wear socks.
Taurus: You will spend the rest of your life living in a refridgerator box. Then, you will get evicted from that. If you value your life, stay away from any Geminis' this week.
Aries: Two words: Strained Beets. Yes. Go eat some. Your boobs will grow, and all those males out there, we know its just what you want.
Cancer: You are probably the only person who wont get cancer. Think about it...When watching SpongeBob Squarepants, and eating twice your body weight, remember to keep tabs on the remote.
Leo: Go eat some poo. It will be good for you. Scorpio is your must heated nemisis. Do us a favor, and knock 'em off.
Pisces: It is time to go fishing. Go catch a golf ball sized trout and hang it on your wall. Quite while your ahead.
Virgo: Have you ever thought of getting over youself, and misieries? I think not. Its time to go out and be yourself. The ignorant self centered bitch you are.
Libra: Buy some chopped carrots. There will be a new love affair with a bearded person(male or female) in your work enviorment. Try not to do anything stupid.
Sagittarius: School will be a killer. Hope to get a brain transplant because you really need one. And stay away from bus boys.
Capricorn: Do try to ride a horse this week. You might get an orgasm. We all know you buy Rod Stewart cds in the closet. Some, come out of it!
Aquarius: OK, hooker, I mean, High Class Whore, buy some pink rubbers and make with the happy. Your mother will be sharingn your boy/girlfriend with you...dont be surprised.
Letter From The Editor
Well, I have written another issue all by me onesy. I need help people, savvy? Next issue will be the "Tim Burton" Issue. I really look forward to writing more, but I need help! I will constantly goad you readers for it until I get some help.
This has been an Issue of The Morbid Observer©.
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| ♠THE MORBID OBSERVER♠ - Issue one
Top Story
ROCK-STAR CONSPIRACIES by, editor
Rumours have leaked out. Thats right! There have been rock-star sightings, and we dont mean the live ones!
"I was walking on the beach in Africa, and whadaya know? I see Jim Morrison from The Doors." Says an eye-witness, "I walked up to him, and he told me that he was 'The Lizard King.'I instaly knew it was Morrison from The Doors because not a lot of people know thats what he called himself, along with 'Mr. Mojo Risin'." Other people have also reported dead rock-stars wondering around. Others include; Elvis, George Harrison from The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Marilyn Monroe, and many others, The M.O. will update upon more information.
Other Articles~x~
KILLER WEINER DOG RAMPAGE! by, Editor
Two dead, five injured. This is the sad tale of when weiner dogs attack. A evil Dr/Scientist has let loose a band of these furry-ocious animals. "It vas all in zee name of Scienze!" Says Dr. Mad. "I didnt veen tu let it get zis far!" Well, it has. So far these beasts have evaded capture numorous times. There are signs you need to watch out for, to know if they are around.
1) A strange howling nose.
2) Loss of livestock and/or small animals.
3) Small, yet evil looking paw prints.
4) Killer Weiner Dogs running around in the street...duh.
Below you will find a picture of one of the dogs.
If you have seen these mutiants, please contant the M.O.
ELVIS AUTOGRAPH FOR SALE ON E-BAY
Yes, someone somewhere has gotten a-hold of an autograph by the "King" of Rock 'n' Roll. This autograph is going for one hundred million, and the price is steadily climbing higher. Those fools who are biding for it must know it is a fake. Elvis hasnt given an autograph since he went into hiding. Unless an old avid fan has found an old crumply napkin with Elvis' John Hancock, people are being ripped off.
Agony Aunt~x~
Write to A.A. with all of your questions and problems...Its Free!
Dear A.A.,
I have a problem, and I think you can help...
You see, my sister is sleeping with my boyfriend, lover, AND husband. I told her to stop, but she said she would tell all of them about each other. I really love John, Marco, and Raul, and I dont want to lose any of them. But my sister has got to go. Please tell me what to do. I love your advice.
♥ Confused w/ Many Lovers in Wilmington
Dear Confused,
You have to be quite stupid not to see the royal flush laid out before you. It is quite simple, I hate to have to explain it. Kill your sister, and blame one of your men. If you dont want any of them to be in the slammer, just do a Mort. Bury her in your garden, and plant corn. Ill send the police along about two days afterwards.
A.A.
Dear A.A.,
My dad likes to wear thongs. And I dont mean the regular O.K. thongs that I wear, but the ones that are usually comming off strippers' bottoms. I told him I refused to wash his laundry if he puts them in the hamper, but he wont listen. My mother even backs him up. She thinks they're "Sexy". Ick. Im only twelve, and I shouldnt be exposed to this sort of insanity. What should I do to get out of all of this mess?
♥ Disgusted About Thongs in Chicago
Dear Disgusted,
Just give your stripper perv and most likely gay father the what-fer. Tell him he better quit his horrible ways, or your calling CPS on his thong wearing ass. And also, go to an adoption agency, and get a real family who play Monopoly on sunday nights. You deserve it sweatie.
A.A.
POEM OF THE WEEK
The sun comes up,
It dies.
The cricket chirps,
It dies.
My lover loves.
He Dies.
The world is sad.
It dies.
-This Poem is brought to you by Mad Mad Maddie...quite depresseing, no?
WORD OF THE WEEK
Spooty.
ART OF THE WEEK
-art brought to you by Carlos M.
COMIC OF THE WEEK
- Comic brought to you by Stupid Comics Inc. ©
Obituaries
There have been only two deaths in the last week. And that ws by Killer Weiner dogs(see aricles above). We at The M.O. are not at liberty to say names, and ages, however, we all give their families our condolences.
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Dear Readers,
I really hope you like my/our humble news paper. It takes a lot of hard work, and digging as well as scouting out stories, but we do it only for you. Next issues will have want adds. Please, if you want to sell, buy, or have something lost or found, write to the editor at the_morbid_observer@yahoo.com. If you want to write something to our Agony Aunt please feel free to do so, sending all letters to the same address. We really enjoy making this paper and hope it is a success. If you would like a job at the M.O. please send some sort of application to the address provided, and of course suggestions in making this paper beeter is quite welcome. Thank you again.
Editor.
This has been an issue of The Morbid Observer©
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| This is the new site(I think) for The Morbid Observer©. I dont know if I will have any help, and the first issue will be entirely all my doing. But, I am springing for the Premium. IN a month, I will shut this down. I need some support, but I promise you, this site will pay for itself...in a way. SO. I need members for the staff. Please comment with what you would like to be. I will shortly be putting up a paper, so you can see what there is. Those with a ~x~ means it is already taken. Well, that is all.
Ps. The first paper is on the house. Anything else, you have to subscribe. | | |
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