| |  ♠THE MORBID OBSERVER♠ - Issue one
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ROCK-STAR CONSPIRACIES by, editor
Rumours have leaked out. Thats right! There have been rock-star sightings, and we dont mean the live ones!
"I was walking on the beach in Africa, and whadaya know? I see Jim Morrison from The Doors." Says an eye-witness, "I walked up to him, and he told me that he was 'The Lizard King.'I instaly knew it was Morrison from The Doors because not a lot of people know thats what he called himself, along with 'Mr. Mojo Risin'." Other people have also reported dead rock-stars wondering around. Others include; Elvis, George Harrison from The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Marilyn Monroe, and many others, The M.O. will update upon more information.
Other Articles~x~
KILLER WEINER DOG RAMPAGE! by, Editor
Two dead, five injured. This is the sad tale of when weiner dogs attack. A evil Dr/Scientist has let loose a band of these furry-ocious animals. "It vas all in zee name of Scienze!" Says Dr. Mad. "I didnt veen tu let it get zis far!" Well, it has. So far these beasts have evaded capture numorous times. There are signs you need to watch out for, to know if they are around.
1) A strange howling nose.
2) Loss of livestock and/or small animals.
3) Small, yet evil looking paw prints.
4) Killer Weiner Dogs running around in the street...duh.
Below you will find a picture of one of the dogs.
If you have seen these mutiants, please contant the M.O.
ELVIS AUTOGRAPH FOR SALE ON E-BAY
Yes, someone somewhere has gotten a-hold of an autograph by the "King" of Rock 'n' Roll. This autograph is going for one hundred million, and the price is steadily climbing higher. Those fools who are biding for it must know it is a fake. Elvis hasnt given an autograph since he went into hiding. Unless an old avid fan has found an old crumply napkin with Elvis' John Hancock, people are being ripped off.
Agony Aunt~x~
Write to A.A. with all of your questions and problems...Its Free!
Dear A.A.,
I have a problem, and I think you can help...
You see, my sister is sleeping with my boyfriend, lover, AND husband. I told her to stop, but she said she would tell all of them about each other. I really love John, Marco, and Raul, and I dont want to lose any of them. But my sister has got to go. Please tell me what to do. I love your advice.
♥ Confused w/ Many Lovers in Wilmington
Dear Confused,
You have to be quite stupid not to see the royal flush laid out before you. It is quite simple, I hate to have to explain it. Kill your sister, and blame one of your men. If you dont want any of them to be in the slammer, just do a Mort. Bury her in your garden, and plant corn. Ill send the police along about two days afterwards.
A.A.
Dear A.A.,
My dad likes to wear thongs. And I dont mean the regular O.K. thongs that I wear, but the ones that are usually comming off strippers' bottoms. I told him I refused to wash his laundry if he puts them in the hamper, but he wont listen. My mother even backs him up. She thinks they're "Sexy". Ick. Im only twelve, and I shouldnt be exposed to this sort of insanity. What should I do to get out of all of this mess?
♥ Disgusted About Thongs in Chicago
Dear Disgusted,
Just give your stripper perv and most likely gay father the what-fer. Tell him he better quit his horrible ways, or your calling CPS on his thong wearing ass. And also, go to an adoption agency, and get a real family who play Monopoly on sunday nights. You deserve it sweatie.
A.A.
POEM OF THE WEEK
The sun comes up,
It dies.
The cricket chirps,
It dies.
My lover loves.
He Dies.
The world is sad.
It dies.
-This Poem is brought to you by Mad Mad Maddie...quite depresseing, no?
WORD OF THE WEEK
Spooty.
ART OF THE WEEK
-art brought to you by Carlos M.
COMIC OF THE WEEK
- Comic brought to you by Stupid Comics Inc. ©
Obituaries
There have been only two deaths in the last week. And that ws by Killer Weiner dogs(see aricles above). We at The M.O. are not at liberty to say names, and ages, however, we all give their families our condolences.
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Dear Readers,
I really hope you like my/our humble news paper. It takes a lot of hard work, and digging as well as scouting out stories, but we do it only for you. Next issues will have want adds. Please, if you want to sell, buy, or have something lost or found, write to the editor at the_morbid_observer@yahoo.com. If you want to write something to our Agony Aunt please feel free to do so, sending all letters to the same address. We really enjoy making this paper and hope it is a success. If you would like a job at the M.O. please send some sort of application to the address provided, and of course suggestions in making this paper beeter is quite welcome. Thank you again.
Editor.
This has been an issue of The Morbid Observer©
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| | Posted 3/6/2005 9:03 PM - 8 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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