| |  THE MORBID OBSERVERIssue two Where we take like and make it worth while!
TOP STORY
Another Man On Screen, by editor
I have heard through the grape-vine that Rock 'n' Roll legand Keith Richards is going to play Captain Jack Sparrow's father in the
next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Johnny Depp who plays the infamous Jack Sparrow said that pirates were like rock stars of their time. And he thought of the greatest rock star that he knew of, and exampled his characture after Keith Richards. The movie, I think, is still in the making, or has already been made, yet still to be released. There will also be a third movie. So all you Sparrow, and Rock 'n' Roll fans, you have something to look forward to!
Other Stories
APPLE-GATE!, by editor
There is a strange occurance going on of late. Applesauce has gone missing from three out of fifty states. What will kids eat? What will babies throw up? What will old farts slurp? The world may never know. Some say its aliens, others say its a government coverup. But will we ever know what is causing the applesauce to vanish? Even as you read, and we write, applesauce can be vanishing from your cubboards, or from the local conveinance store.
Panic In Detroit, by editor
What happens when you mix Detroit, English-men, and alas! Music? You get: Panic in Detroit. There are riots in the streets. Looting in the stores, and water spurting forth from the fire hydrants. The cats are going crazy, the babies are crying. And killer weiner dogs are running wild. It is a sad tale indeed, that will only end in destruction of a once fine city.
Agony Aunt
Write to A.A. with all of your problems and questions. Write to The_Morbid_Observer@yahoo.com today!
Dear A.A.,
My friend is so much more ugly, and dumb than I. She wears the worst clothes, her glasses belong in the trash can of the eighties, and she is such a frump that I worry about her so. I feel bad when hanging around with her, because I outshine her...What should I do?
♥ Worried in Kansas City
Dear Worried.
Kill her.
A.A.
Dear A.A.,
My parents are threatening to send me to a consintration camp, if I dont clean my room. Its not like its a dump, but if I even have one speck of dust, my dad will scout it out. I dont know what to do. What if hile cleaning out from under my bed, my parents see all of my nudy magazines? Or my stash hidden in the closet? What am I to do?
♥ Dum Dum Diday in New Port Beach
Dear Dumb Dumb,
First of all, your plain out stupid. Now that we got that settled, just remove those disgusting items from your room while your parents are asleep. Hide it in a shoebox in your siblings room, that way, if its found, they get blamed instead of you.
A.A.
POEM OF THE WEEK
Little birdie in the sky,
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
Tastes like honey,
Feels like sap,
HOLY SHIT
Its birdie crap!
This poem is brought you you by the Poem Instigater.
WORD OF THE WEEK
Sinister
ART OF THE WEEK
Art brought to you by Carlos M.
Horoscopes!
Gemini: Beware killer radishes. Later one this week you will get an unexpected surprise in your shoe. Wear socks.
Taurus: You will spend the rest of your life living in a refridgerator box. Then, you will get evicted from that. If you value your life, stay away from any Geminis' this week.
Aries: Two words: Strained Beets. Yes. Go eat some. Your boobs will grow, and all those males out there, we know its just what you want.
Cancer: You are probably the only person who wont get cancer. Think about it...When watching SpongeBob Squarepants, and eating twice your body weight, remember to keep tabs on the remote.
Leo: Go eat some poo. It will be good for you. Scorpio is your must heated nemisis. Do us a favor, and knock 'em off.
Pisces: It is time to go fishing. Go catch a golf ball sized trout and hang it on your wall. Quite while your ahead.
Virgo: Have you ever thought of getting over youself, and misieries? I think not. Its time to go out and be yourself. The ignorant self centered bitch you are.
Libra: Buy some chopped carrots. There will be a new love affair with a bearded person(male or female) in your work enviorment. Try not to do anything stupid.
Sagittarius: School will be a killer. Hope to get a brain transplant because you really need one. And stay away from bus boys.
Capricorn: Do try to ride a horse this week. You might get an orgasm. We all know you buy Rod Stewart cds in the closet. Some, come out of it!
Aquarius: OK, hooker, I mean, High Class Whore, buy some pink rubbers and make with the happy. Your mother will be sharingn your boy/girlfriend with you...dont be surprised.
Letter From The Editor
Well, I have written another issue all by me onesy. I need help people, savvy? Next issue will be the "Tim Burton" Issue. I really look forward to writing more, but I need help! I will constantly goad you readers for it until I get some help.
This has been an Issue of The Morbid Observer©.
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| | Posted 3/13/2005 12:08 AM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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